dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
