its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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