Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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