If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
