No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
