There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
