I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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