she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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