chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize