It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
