When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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