weddingsv make me drug and hornr
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
