i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
