Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
