She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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