my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
