In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
