You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
