were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
