After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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