It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
