some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize