Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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