fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
