Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
did i walk over a car last night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
