billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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