my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
