its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
