I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
