Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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