So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
