what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
