God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
