I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
