He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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