when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
