hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
