Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
