Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
