She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
