i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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