i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Randomize