I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
