Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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