You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
