My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
