someone threw a dead crab at me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
4 words: hood of his car
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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