I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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