I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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