it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
