I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
