I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
