We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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