Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
