It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we're making bets on your personal life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
