Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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