sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize