apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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