I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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