I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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