Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
