I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
