well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
