I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
