You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
