Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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