I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
