As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
