I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
