well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
