I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
