I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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