Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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