I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
