Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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