____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
