Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize