I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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