Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
