sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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