This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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