3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
