Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize