I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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