I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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