my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
