I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
