Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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