what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
