i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
