it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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