so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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