I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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