I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize