watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
