Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
