Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize