i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
