my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
