I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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