Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm both gender and math confused
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
