You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
