the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
