You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
