I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
