Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This beer is not sobering me up at all
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
